Since surgery, I admit, I’ve been miserable, vulnerable, and depressed. How simple it is to fall into a malaise when your methods of release had been taken away from you! No running, no riding my bike, nothing to really quell the crazy within. But September 20 was my birthday, and things started to change around then. How?
I admit, since surgery, I’ve been in a malaise. Something’s always wrong, never being able to put my finger on it, and slight negatives get turned into the absolute worst. I’ve had to lash out at people, I’ve cried a lot, and it’s been awful. But things are turning around.
What is a poor girl going to do? Rendered idle from foot surgery, can’t go back to work yet, waiting for class to start… SHE IS GOING TO THINK! And when this girl thinks, and thinks too much, her mind goes to the deepest, darkest places. As a result, she feels especially vulnerable. How did I get here?
I had the surgery July 2, and I thought everything would be fine. I thought I would be moving through recovery pretty quickly, and I would be back on my feet before I knew it. Well, that’s not the case. Recovery’s been a slow plodding mess, and I just want it to be over.
To say I’ve been going through this recovery time without doing anything is simply not true. I’ve been writing, both here and on my book. I’ve been getting ready to go back to school. I’ve been trying to find a better job. So on.
…that a certain family member of mine will not like at all. Basically, he’s been acting like an asshole, and I’m tired of it. And you know, I’ve threatened with leaving before, but the finances weren’t there. What if I acted like the finances were there? Anyway, he’s made his bed, and he needs to lie in it.
I wanted to say since surgery I’m getting exactly what I needed. And it comes in various forms and structures. Whether it’s coffee, dinner, or whatever, good things are coming to me. I needed only to open my heart and receive them. So what are these things?
I’m debating whether or not to go on in endurance events. I noticed a few things lately that have me wondering whether I even want to run another marathon, ultra, half or full duathlon, etc.
Family means different things to different people. Some people are tight with their blood or marriage family. Me? I’m the Rainbow/Trans Sheep of my family, and I don’t know how my blood family responds to me… so I go with the Chosen Family.
I know, I know, this is my first post since MARCH. Things have happened, and why I’m remarkably okay right now. So my foot started hurting terribly in September 2016…
Adventures With Amber Marie 