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I Feel… The Opposite Of Dead

Since surgery, I admit, I’ve been miserable, vulnerable, and depressed. How simple it is to fall into a malaise when your methods of release had been taken away from you! No running, no riding my bike, nothing to really quell the crazy within. But September 20 was my birthday, and things started to change around then. How?

First off, I tested my ability to drive without the boot on. Granted, driving with only my sock on the pedals is weird, but it’s nice to get in the car and go somewhere when I want to. I need to put the boot back on when I’m done, though. But even then, putting the boot back on is a minor inconvenience. This is a reason to celebrate for sure!

I sense a massive comeback to racing and triathlon. My team of seasoned, veteran endurance athletes told me to sit and wait on half, 25K, and marathons, but we know 5K and 10K are doable. I also felt the need to try something new, so I decided on Olympic triathlon, a 1500 m swim, 40K (24.8 miles) bike ride, and 10K (6.2 miles) run. Turns out, I have a team of veteran, seasoned triathletes waiting to coach me here, too. Later this month, I plan on getting a gym or pool membership, registering for swim lessons, and get ready to go in May, when triathlon season kicks off. I’ll have a cheer squad too!

My writing is moving along as well. I’ve been working more on Hey Amber Marie, It’s Amber Marie, which is a collection of memories, affirmations, and letters to myself. Letters to myself are a therapy tool that I use to calm myself down, encourage myself, and give myself something to discuss at the next therapist appointment. I’ve also been writing affirmations, things to cheer me up and set me on the right path for the day. Another special project I’m pleased to announce is a cookbook! Right now, the working title is Beat It Like It Owes You Money and Other Cooking Advice. It will have about 100 recipes, ranging from entrees to baked goods to appetizers to Amber Marie’s creative cocktails and more! With the memories, I’d like to get the first draft finished by March 2020, and I want the cookbook finished by New Year’s Eve 2020. So when I get done publishing this post, guess what I need to do?

Another thing… I know I return to grad school in April 2020, and I’m pursuing a Masters in Social Work, with a license right after I graduate. “Amber Marie, Licensed MSW” has a wonderful ring to it, yes, but I know it’ll be easier to find jobs in my field if I can get some experience in psychology, or mental health, or social work. Internships help, but it would be nice if I got paid while working in the field and gaining what experience I could. With that in mind, I’ve started looking online for jobs, including places like Pine Rest, MOKA, the State of Michigan (Ottawa County DHS), and even community living support positions here in Ottawa County. Even part time would help get me in the field. And I also know that my current paid job is unsatisfying. I go, I do a job, and I come home. It pays the bills, yes, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. Even if my books aren’t a smashing hit, it’ll be great to do what I want to do with my life. So searching for a change in career has reinvigorated me.

One last thing I’m celebrating: A couple weeks ago, my apartment was a disaster. But I teamed up with my dad and we got most of it cleaned up. I put up a weekly to-do list up in a prominent place, and I started planning my meals and my workouts again. I know my dad has a tendency to walk in the kitchen and ask “do what now?” Hell, I have that tendency. So my weekly meal plan, as well as my hot food and baking projects are tacked up in the kitchen. My workouts (all I can do right now are seated resistance bands and gentle yoga and Pilates) are planned and tacked right next to my bisexual Pride flag in my bedroom.

So with new life in my bones, yes… I feel the opposite of dead.

 

 

 

By adventureswithambermarie

Just a 38 year old trans girl roaming around Holland, MI. My old life wasn't as glamorous as my webpage made it look. Transphobic comments will automatically be deleted and you will be blocked.

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