This Is My Home

So on Sunday, my dad popped his mouth off. I didn’t cry. But I looked around and realized it didn’t have to be like this.

Sunday night, while most of my trans siblings were at the lighting of the Blue Bridge in Grand Rapids, my church does something called Holy Chow. Small groups of us meet at each other’s houses for dinner, yes, we bring something and we drink wine. While at this Holy Chow, I introduced myself and shared elements of my story. I talked about the anorexia. The coming out process. Marathons. These people just listened to me and received me. Can’t wait for the next one.

Monday morning, I walk into work. Jael is standing there in the laundry area, and she greets me with a magnanimous smile and a super tight hug.  I’m really grateful she showed up… we’ve been working at the plant for awhile, and recently, she introduced herself and has been wonderful with me ever since.

Later in the day, I see Mama Rosie. Yes, she’s a few months older than me. But she calls me honey and greets me with a hug every time I see her. Today, on a Tuesday, she just calls me honey and we share physical touch a lot. Lots of hugs, hand squeezes, etc. She believes the same things I do, but I don’t think that matters. Ever since I walked into Tyson, she’s been looking after me.

As I walk out on Monday, Jael (HI-el) is leaving too, and she looks behind her and sees me. She waits for me to catch up, and then we start walking together. She throws her arm around my shoulder, and I throw my arm around hers, and we walk to a certain point like this. We share a hug at the end of the day, and I smile and I leave feeling wonderful.

So after I leave, I go to Out On the Lakeshore for a bit. When I walk in, I see Mama Wendy. Her eyes meet mine. She stands up, gives me a huge hug, and I sit down for a bit. I ask if she wants me to make a Simpatico run, and she sends me off with some cash. When I come back, I go off in the corner and make some phone calls.

About an hour later, we both have to leave. Charley, another board member, is there, and Wendy is showing off her family photos on her phone. She points to her son, and says “that’s my big baby.” Then she looks over at me, and says “there’s my adopted.” I smile.. and then go “I’m her biggest baby.” We hug some more, and then I go home.

But then again, Meadow Lane Ct is my place of residence. When I look in Mama Rosie’s, Jael’s, and Mama Wendy’s eyes, I know that I’m home. And with Mama Wendy, that woman made me her daughter. She holds me super tight. She cares about me. She reels me back in when my mind goes super negative. She leans in and says “ladies don’t slurp.” She lets me lean my head on her shoulder and then runs her fingers through my hair. She buys me coffee. Because of her, I’m running faster and showing teeth when I smile. I’m no longer listening to predominantly sad music. I have done nothing to earn any of this… but with her, it’s a sign that I am finally getting the love and support I so richly deserve.

Mother’s Day is coming… I have some small things in mind, yes, but nothing is going to match what she’s done. She basically spread her wings and took me in. I just want to rest in a mother’s love.


By adventureswithambermarie

Just a 38 year old trans girl roaming around Holland, MI. My old life wasn't as glamorous as my webpage made it look. Transphobic comments will automatically be deleted and you will be blocked.

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